I made the decision today to stop nursing/pumping during the day.  We were already planning on starting the transition to cows milk next weekend now that Rose will be one year old.  I was down to one nurse/pump per day anyway, the rest of the time we have been using up the stored milk in the deep freeze.  I wasn’t planning on doing this until next week.  I was giving myself just a little more time.  A little more time to hold on to the illusion that my little girl was still tiny enough to need me to have milk available whenever she wanted it.  To keep supplementing the freezer supply so that she would have plenty for daycare.  But as I looked into the freezer at work and saw the huge bag I had in there waiting to come home and thought of the two huge bags I have already in the deep freeze, I realized that it was time to let go.  I have more than enough to do a smooth transition.  Especially since I plan on nursing at bed time and morning for a few more weeks.  Still…

In a few weeks she will have fully transitioned into toddler hood where all of her nutrients will be coming from outside sources.  We will do our best to make sure what she eats is the best we can find (organic whenever possible).  Make sure she is getting all the food groups with all the recommended vitamins and grains (at least until she develops an opinion).   Still….

I can’t deny I’m looking forward to eating spicy food and caffeine again without guilt of maybe causing her to having digestive issues.  I’m looking forward to hopefully being able to sleep in a little while longer and not have to wake at 5am to make sure she has time to nurse before we head off to work/daycare.  I am looking forward to heading for a weekend away without having to carry along my pump.  I’m looking forward to no more nursing bras.  Still…

I will miss our time together. I will miss that intimate connection between a mother and baby.  I will miss her little hand softly caressing me or clutching my shirt as her eyes slowly close with contentment, our world reduced to a little bubble surrounding just us.  I will miss the sounds and sensations that tell me I am giving my baby the nutrients that she needs.

I know there will be other experiences, other moments, other things that will define our relationship and cement my love of her but still….

1 Comment

Filed under breastfeeding, weaning

One Response to Still…..

  1. Hang in there…you've done great lasting this long!! I can't bring myself to even think of weaning just yet, but our day will come. Transitions are always bittersweet!

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