Thoughts of a working mother

Being a working mother sometimes reminds me of how women with curly hair often wish it was straight and women with straight hair wish it was curly.  When I’m at work I miss my little girl like crazy and wish I could be home with her.  When I’m home with her for a week I start to wonder how the stay at home parents don’t go absolutely nuts.  I love my daughter to death but after a week straight of ‘Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! x 3,000’ I’m thinking of investing in ear plugs.  I am not sure if I have the patience that it takes to stay at home with her all the time.  The toddlerness really tests my temper at times.

I also get restless and miss the adult interaction of the work environment.  A lot of my identity comes from what I do and I have a lot of pride in being an engineer. I know what I do will give my daughter a good example that she can be whatever she wants to be.

Plus, there is the biggest elephant in the room, money.  I posted a while ago about what the money I bring home provides for my daughter.  Without the hours I put in, the stress of balancing a demanding career and a demanding toddler and the terrible loneliness I feel sometime when I am sitting at my desk and know it will be a hours before I can wrap my arms around my little girl, I would never be able to have my daughter live in an place that will provide her a childhood full of natural wonders.

And, there is always that feeling that no matter how wonderful my daughters daycare is (and they are wonderful), if she was home with me, she would be learning all of my mannerisms, my expressions, my idiosyncrasies.  I would be the one helping to shape her personality for more than a few hours during the weekdays.  I would be in charge of every little thing that goes in her mouth and in her ears.

Most of me knows that she is happy and healthy and loved.  Most of me knows that my working is best for our family financially.  Most of me knows that I would be restless and unhappy at home all the time.  It’s that little part, deep down inside.  That little part that pokes me in the heart when I watch my daughter laugh over silly things or give me a hug and tell me she loves me just because.  That little part that wishes…..

1 Comment

Filed under daycare, Motherhood, Musing of Life, parenthood, Rose, working mom

One Response to Thoughts of a working mother

  1. Alas, Valerie, welcome to motherhood now. I was very fortunate in that I was self-employed when I had my girls. I managed to work out of my home with Erin (And was I ever STARVED for adult company!) But when I had Sarah my PILs recommended a regular house-keeper. So, at least I wasn't doing everything all by myself any longer.

    I made gobs of money, was able to play with and love my kids, but I was starved for adult attention. Robert traveled at least 2 weeks a month, and wasn't really home when he was home. I was also awake at 11 p.m doing billing or necessary sales stuff, as it fit in with the kids nap schedule, or teething or who knows what else.

    You and Steven delight Rose. She adores you! You're the very best parents she could have. There's just no good solution to parenting in these times. Even if you could work out of the home, you'd still be frustrated on one level or another! Either Rose needing you just when you've thought of something brilliant that needs to be expressed now in your work, or you feeling worn out from too much toddler love.

    Or perhaps from Rose helping you with house work.

    There'll always be that little bit that pokes you in the heart. You love her so much, and she's growing into such a neat person, and there's still so much else you could have done….I have two of the best kids in the world, and I still have those regrets.

    Affectionately,

    Constance

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