With Rose, I was focused every minute of every day on the changes going on with my body. I anxiously awaited the passing of each week so that I could look up just what fruit or vegetable my precious baby girl was similar too in size and weight. Every twinge, every thump, and every hiccup was a sign that everything was still ok. At all times at least some portion of my mind was on the alien creature inside of me. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t one of those pregnant ladies that relished every ache and pain. I complained and commiserated with my fellow pregnant friends. I was miserable in the early stages with nausea. I was miserable in the late stages, anxious for relief from my giant heavy tummy. I also had no idea what I was in for in the end. Ha! Still, a big part of my life revolved around my uterus.
The second time around is quite different. For one, I’ve been through it all before so I know what to expect. Each new stage is more “oh yah, that” instead of “should I worry, do I need to call the doc, is this normal?”. I worry less and just observe the aches and pains and changes in my body with a more detached air of inevitability. They are just things that I have to live through in order to foster this new child within me.
Of course the biggest change is Rose. I no longer can come home from a day at work and spend the rest of the evening on the couch, watching tv and eating whatever strikes my fancy. Now my evenings are filled with cooking dinner for Rose, cleaning up after Rose, playing with Rose, giving Rose a bath, chasing after Rose when it’s time for bed, and spending the half an hour or so it takes to get her to finally go to sleep. It’s no wonder that I have gained less weight with this pregnancy. By the time she is in bed I’m too tired to make myself something evil to eat. I spend large amounts of my day not really consciously knowing I’m pregnant. Well, until Evelyn uses my bladder as an exercise ball and my rib cage as a balance beam. Then I remember!
I am looking forward to the birth of Evelyn (well, not the birth part but having her healthy and in my arms) but I also remember the things that happen after. The things I had heard about with Rose but didn’t really believe because I hadn’t experienced it. The lingering pains, the sleepless nights, having to listen to crying that you sometimes can’t do anything to stop. I haven’t figured out if it’s better or worse that I really know what’s going to happen. 🙂
This time I will have to go through it all with a 3 year old daughter that I need to make sure gets attention as well. I know I can do it, but I also am dreading it a little. Still, I have a wonderful network of friends and family around whom I know I can count on when it all gets too much so I need to just calm these raging pregnancy hormones down and just let it happen.