Sadness

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I’ve been thinking a lot the past few days on how to write this post.  I don’t know if I can properly express the feelings of sadness and loss that flow through my heart.  For the past 17 years, Scarlett has been a part of my life.  At the point of her passing, she had almost been with me for half of my lifetime.  Her loving purr helped me to let go of old loves in order to find the joy in new and better ones.  Her soft fur soaked up my tears when life got too hard and I just needed a (small furry) shoulder to cry on.  Her load demanding voice would remind me that others needs should be met and not just my own.

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Her loyalty was beyond anything I have encountered in any animal I have ever shared a house with (notice I didn’t say ‘own’ as no one really owns cats).  She would come when I called and followed me anywhere I went.  Together we have explored every inch of our property, taking joy in the hunt for a new hidden area we didn’t find before and in just being in each others presence.

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On cold winter nights, she would snuggle under the covers, warming my legs while we both fell asleep.

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Scarlett had been looking poorly for a while now and we had been trying various diets in an effort to keep her weight on.  Then, two weeks after I gave birth to Evelyn, she reached a point that I knew we needed to take her in to be checked again.  The vet found a mass in her abdomen and with her age, there was no option but to make her as comfortable as possible.

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Only one week later, I knew that it was time to let her go.  The night before, I took her out for one last cuddle on the porch swing.  When I laid her down on the swing and curled my body around her’s she gave a great sigh and laid her head on my hand.  I knew that she was giving me permission.  Permission to save her from the pain she was feeling.  Permission to let her go.  One last time, her soft fur soaked up my tears.  One last time, her soft pur soothed my heart.

I truly believe that she waited until I had given birth to Evelyn to give in to the disease that was ravaging her body.  She somehow knew that I would not be able to handle letting her go when I was so close to bringing a new life into this world.  With that final act, she gave me one last gift.

I love you my darling little girl, forever and always.

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2 Comments

Filed under Cats

2 Responses to Sadness

  1. Perfectly written, I'm crying. I'm sad and my heart is heavy for you. These decisions are the hardest, the worst. Seventeen years is an amazing lifetime for a beloved cat.

  2. Rebecca

    Awe, I'm so sad for you. I don't even like having animals as pets and your post, your emotion and your memories of her made me cry. So sorry for your loss.

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