Category Archives: Motherhood
Most nights I let her cry.
Sometimes I stay and sing to her softly.
At Rose’s age, most peoples kids push balls back and forth with their parents. Soccer balls, basketballs, large bouncy balls. It’s a great game to work on their hand eye coordination and a great excuse for a toddler cuddle. My kid, the daughter of my train
obsessed passionate husband, she plays the back and forth game with a toy train. Her idea. 🙂 I think it’s in the blood.
Of course, she has a little of me in her too. A book and a Red Vine. Life is good. Please ignore the ducky pajamas.
Since it’s 3am and I can’t sleep I figured now is a good time as any to share a trip to our favorite sandwich shop in Sacramento, Vic’s. It’s this great little sandwich and ice cream shop in Land Park that I have been going to since I was a wee babe. I love that Rose is old enough to partake in the yummyness. I have so many wonderful memories of visiting Vic’s with my Grandmother (she lived down the street). I hope to give Rose many of the same memories.
Sharing some of Mommy’s egg salad sandwich.
A few months ago my friend Melanee told me about an offer for two free nights at the Grand Sierra Resort in Reno. At first I thought it would be a fun thing for Steve and I and Rose to do before my birthday. Then I came up with the idea to make it a girls weekend and head up with my girlfriends as a getaway. However, as the weekend go closer I started to come to a realization. I was stressed. And tense. And overwhelmed with life. (Man I can feel myself tense up just thinking about it) I was snapping at Rose when she didn’t deserve it (I can find a better way to deal with her spitting out her food) and overreacting to little things Steve did (who cares that he posted a picture on his account on Facebook instead of mine like I asked, its not that big of a deal). My patience was gone.
Earlier this week, it became apparent to me that I needed to do something. It just wasn’t healthy to keep going like this.
Luckily I have an awesome, understanding friend so now, for the first time in 18 months, (plus 10 if you count the pregnancy) I am spending more than a few hours alone. It’s been an interesting experience as I have had to break out of my comfort zone in a number of ways. But good. Yes, very good.
A few things I learned a few things on my vacation:
- Even leaving work at 3pm doesn’t mean you will be where you want to be in time. Or anywhere near it. And that’s ok.
- If you travel over the pass on I-80 in the winter you may be stuck in traffic for two hours even though the road is “Open with only standard chain control”.
- Even with the delay (which was apparently Caltrans stopping traffic for some reason) Caltrans still rocks when it comes to snow removal compared to Nevadatrans (or whatever they are called). Even compared to driving over the pass and down steep mountainsides, driving the relatively flat roads in Nevada was H.E.Double Hockey Sticks.
- Thank goodness for Subarus.
- Nothing shows you that you really are a “strong, confident woman” than driving above mentioned roads, by yourself, in the dark.
- I was reminded why I started liking Brendan Fraiser so much. He was shirtless almost the entire time in George of the Jungle. Stupid movie but……
- I am married but not blind and that’s ok. (See 5.)
- I am fairly sure I need a new job. Years of broken promises are hard to get over. It’s made me very jaded for any new promises and even apparent changes in attitude. Unless there is something material to back them up soon it’s just not worth it anymore. I’ve become too bitter.
- Nail polish eventually dries up after 8 years and makes for a terrible manicure that you can’t remove because you didn’t pack any polish remover.
- Even a terrible manicure makes me feel a little more feminine and that’s a good thing.
- A medium bag of M&Ms; is a bit much for one person. Consuming an entire bag is not an impossible feet but does make you feel a little icky.
- People watching in a casino is fascinating.
- It also makes me realize that I am apparently the last person on the face of the earth who doesn’t text.
- Eating lunch by yourself isn’t too bad if you have a good book. A breakfast that you have to eat with two hands is a little stranger.
- Even if it’s been a few hours since you painted your fingernails, if you pick the above mentioned M&Ms; from your teeth with them, it will ruin your already terrible manicure.
- Eating by yourself, with the portion size in the US, leaves you with a lot of wasted food and makes you eat much more than you should.
- It feels good to walk with no agenda, no deadline, no little one clinging to your side/leg/back and even no distraction of another adult.
- It took a bit but I can walk confidently with no agenda, no deadline, not little one and no other adult.
- You can enjoy being by yourself but still miss your family terribly.
- Being alone can be a good thing. It builds confidence, helps you to center yourself and makes you realize again that you and only you need to be the author of your own story, the maker of your own dreams, and the your biggest fan.
Steve and I never really did a whole big “Valentine’s Day” thing. While technically it is the anniversary of our 1st date it also falls a few weeks after the anniversary of our first kiss (yes those are a little out of order) and we usually go on a mini vacation around that weekend (this year, Disneyland yay!). Still, we occasionally like to reenact our first date and head over to Old Town Sacramento to the Round Table Pizza there. We haven’t gone in a few years since the place has really gotten run down. Like, ripped benches, dirty floors etc. Yuck.
This year I came up with an even better idea and after picking up Rose at daycare, I met Steve at Old Town Pizza in Auburn. Problem solved! We are still going to our traditional pizza but now it taste’s sooooo much better. Plus, the place doesn’t make me want to wipe my seat with a wet nap before sitting down. Bonus!
Steve did an excellent job with Valentine’s day this year. When Rose and I arrived at the restaurant I found a plethora of yummy and pretty things. A beautiful card, wooden roses from him, Rose, our friend Reese and our friend Mark (you guys are the best!) and a whole bunch of yummy treats. What a guy!
Feeding our little bird.
I have well loved memories of snuggling in bed at night with my mother when I was young girl and my dad was gone on business trips. She would always do little things to make the time without my dad go quickly and keep my mind off his absence. It may have been trips to McDonalds, renting a video (Splash, The Last Unicorn or The NeverEnding Story) or staying up a little late. The thing that I remember the most though was climbing in bed beside her at night and knowing that she was beside me keeping me safe.
Steve has been gone on a business trip this week and while Rose has been handling it ok, last night I think she finally started to realize just how long he had been gone. She was whiny, clingy and simply didn’t want to be further than 2 inches away from me all night. Just very un-happyroselike. So later that night, after a bath and jammies and tooth brushing I asked if she wanted to snuggle in mommy’s bed and watch Sesame Street. She nodded her cute little head and led me into the bedroom with a big smile. We cuddled under the covers, watching Elmo and Big Bird for a few minutes until she scootched down on the bed, pulled the covers up to her chin and wedged herself against me. After I turned off the tv, I wrapped my long limbs around her tiny body and listened to her breathing slow. I could feel her complete and utter trust in me. Trust that I would keep her safe. Trust that I would love her unconditionally. Trust that I would always be there for her. Just like the trust that I felt when my mom and I did the same thing so many years ago. The circle is complete.
Thank you for the fabulous Saturday afternoon. First you blessed me with a wonderfully long nap (for both of us) and then took me along on an adventure of toddler perfection. We swung on the swings,
Love and Kisses,