How do I miss you. It’s been 11 weeks now since I have seen you for more than a few hours at a time. I’m starting to think that our previous relationship in which we would spend long hours together, sometimes up to 9 hours at a time, is over forever. Our time together has been increasingly stolen each night by a tiny person I can only describe as a sleep bandit. This little creature, while utterly adorable, has been breaking into our togetherness on a regular basis and it is getting to be an issue. I have a vague recollection of you running away like this when the bandit’s big sister was her age but it’s mostly a blur. I wonder why?
I have tried tying up the bandit at night but the confinement unit only keeps her contained for so long before she either gets out or complains loudly enough to scare you away. I have tried bribing the bandit with food right before I go to sleep but that works sparingly or not at all. I have tried repeat insertion of a muting device but she has become an expert at extraction. I have tried keeping her up later but all that results in is a very pissed off bandit. My husband has offered to put himself up as a victim collateral a buffer between me and the bandit but I know that this will result in you running away again while I kick him awake multiple times a night.
I know that you keep wanting to see me during the day at work but my boss highly discourages your visits to the office (he has turned down my request for a futon in the back room). Please please please tell the Sleep Bandit to let you come back for longer periods of time at night. I want you, I need you, please be mine again.
Yours in loving memory,